What Summmer Taught Me

This summer we packed up our crazy little selves and headed to Maui...as in Hawaii...as in paradise...as in NO ONE in my family wanted to come home!!! My kids were like cats clawing their way outta bath time as we boarded the plane to return to Houston.

Our time in Maui was...well,  to say the least...amazing!

I learned how to unwind and relax again.

I reacquainted myself with my sweet hubby...whose crazy work schedule keeps him away from home too darn much.

I learned that my kiddos all love the sand, sun and surf as much as their parents do.

I listened to fantastical tales of snorkeling from all three children...they swam with turtles, squid, a rainbow of fish and more. It did this mommas soul good to breath in all of their laughter and joy.

Looking back, I am forever thankful for the memories we made together in Maui, for it was those precious memories that kept us afloat during the battle we fought once we came home.

Our sweet blue eyed boy, the one who makes us all laugh with his silly impressions and bad jokes had a monster under his bed...a monster so great, so scary that all the hugs and kisses in the world couldn't protect him.  The monsters name...depression. It was once again slowly draining the life from my child. Pulling him farther into the darkness...to a place where we couldn't reach him.

We have fought this beast before and trust me when I say, it's a fight to the death. Depression will stop at nothing to win. It is evil...pure and simple. Depression is real...it is frightening...and it will destroy everything in its path.

I'm not going to share the events that caused this episode...I promised Harrison I wouldn't. Just know his world was rocked and his depression started a war within. A battle that almost took his life...almost took him from us, the family that loves him more than anything...this momma bear came so close to losing her son forever. The pain of this will be with me until my last breath.

Through it all, as Chris and I fought for our son's life, I kept going back to the memories we made in Maui. I would constantly remind Harrison of the rainbows, the sound of the waves crashing outside our condo, of snorkeling, of Em's birthday luau...I hoped and prayed that the happy memories would break down the wall, could some how penetrate the darkness and free my boy from depression's steely grip. My daily trips down memory lane with Harrison didn't single  handedly win the war, but did help ease the pain and I could feel depression easing it's hold on him.

Our war isn't over...it is one we will fight along side Harrison until we are no more. I thank God daily for the psychiatrists and therapists He has surrounded my son with. They too, are warriors in this battle. The youngest soldiers in this war are my daughters, Tori and Emily. They too, fight the fight. Depression takes it's toll on everyone, not just the one it lies within. My girlies adore their big brother something fierce and don't think they don't worry...and pray...and cry...and lie awake in the dark afraid. We have all been there...done that.

I have learned so much this summer. I have been witness to soaring highs and have had my breath taken away by crushing lows. I have learned to lean harder on my faith than I ever imagined possible...to lie awake in the quiet of night and simply turn it all over to Him...because I am too tired to fight...alone in the dark, I prayed...I prayed for my boy...I prayed for my family...I prayed for the strength to win this battle.

I learned that no matter how dark the world seems, there is always light. I learned to scream and yell at an invisible monster...I learned how to sooth a broken soul.

I also learned about sea turtles, henna tattoos, shaved ice, Hawaiian culture, rainbows and poi (not a fan)...I learned to savor every happy moment because those gloriously wonderful moments become the armor you wear into battle.

**** if you are struggling with depression, please know you are worthy and loved and so much more than the disease that consumes you!!! Please reach out to someone you trust...you are not alone!!!
If you are in crisis and feel there is no way out, please, please call  the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).


xoxo,

Rox